Surprisingly accurate. You'll see why this is surprising in good time.
Those talkative goddamn cucumbers.
Also, my first evolution of the game: goofy teeth on an uncertain face.
Because that's how evolution works.
Temporary evolutionary diversion, but there ya go. Stingrays come from crystal power.
Next up on the evolutionary scale: flesh colors.
Oh, I didn't evolve this. My fish just wants to accessorize.
And finally, a completely useless swordfish face.
FEAR ME, LAND CREATURES! I AM THE PINNACLE OF EVOLUTION.
By the way, it goes in reverse, too.
.......This is not the pinnacle of evolution.
That's something of a mistranslation (or maybe programming limitations.)
Again, generally accurate.
"This is despite living several million years before the development of language."
And it was here that I learned frogs have teeth. I am now more terrified than I have ever been.
What kind of creature is that, again? I don't think this exists anywhere in nature.
I very much hope this creature isn't breeding. I value my feet too much for that.
Let's add a horrifying rat tail to this dragon creature. Why not?
AT WHAT POINT DID DRAGONS AND GIANT COCKROACHES EVER COEXIST!?
A.) KING Bee? B.) Amphibian?
It gets more horrifying from here.
IT GETS MORE HORRIFYING FROM HERE.
"SO YEA, I RAN INTO HER JUST OUTSIDE BANANA REPUBLIC (justhopehegoesawayjusthopehegoesaway...)"
Or maybe a somewhat dopey face. Let's go with that.
In case some avian fucker decides he wants to take advantage of all this.
Turns out that longer necks ABSOLUTELY SUCK in this game, especially without good jumping.
Violating basic physics doesn't help much, either.
Did this thing literally shit out a new evolutionary trait?
It wasn't meteors or a new Ice Age that killed them; 'twas reckless abandon that killed the beast.
Like, I can shoot birds out of my dino-hands, BioShock-style? Hooray!
This is not what I had in mind.
Jurassic space dragons roam the night sky. I thought you should know that.
"We'll figure out how to survive without oxygen soon enough. That's how evolution works, right?"
And then gargoyles became a reality.
Before giving way to beaked dinosaurs. AKA birds.
With spikey backs, to boot.
How do I spend such an influx of points?
Says the T. REX, of all things.
"But I didn't even say what I've turned." "THE T-REX CLAN IS AGAINST ROTATION OF ALL KINDS."
Because nature wasn't scary enough.
And so it entered our time and wrecked its unholy vengeance. The end.
One of the game's more brutal moments.
By who? All the dead dinosaurs?
Hooray for maybe accuracy!
This tends to happen when massive environmental changes have nearly wiped out all life.
That is the extent of the test, by the way: whether or not you completed a minor side quest.
WIPE THIS THING FROM EXISTENCE.
And replace it with a Disney knock-off mascot.
Either way, I'm still a lizard for...reasons.
But then I evolved this cute face. I think it's supposed to be a cat.
Then comes the rabbit body.
And the cave full of pigs? Just run with it.
Just because Tyrasaurus can speak doesn't mean they can make sense.
Aladdin 0: We Will Milk This Franchise Dry.
It's JUST smart enough to know how morose its weapon choice is.
This is either adorable or terrifying.
And thus, the final evolution of the game: man.
Also: slightly taller man.
Remember when I said that this game was scientifically accurate? I stand by it.
My bizarre trip to Mexico.
Metal weaponry, complex stone buildings, FIRE...and yet man is still the pinnacle of evolution.
What will mankind evolve into?
"But you're already here." "A job well done!"
"So do I. I feel that we have much to bond over."
"You've been cooped up in that basement for forever. It's time to move out, find a job."
Hooray for general accuracies!
Squirrels that can leap 800 feet in the air.
This is what happens when man is exposed to water: he becomes a rubber-limbed freak.
This is supposed to be a hint for how to become human. But given the circumstances...
And you chose to live atop a giant rock far away from any known water source?
These creatures are just too pathetic for me to murder...is what I said after clearly murdering them
Apparently, Grecian columns predate Grecian civilization.
Reaction shot the never gonna use.
Reaction shot the I might use this maybe.
What is happening to this game?
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS GAME!?
What could whales and dolphins possibly use to manipulate mountainous clouds?
Apparently, the power of wanting it really bad.
"Does anybody else smell gasol-*BOOM*"
You mean Satan Claus? Fuck that symbol of all that is horrible.
"Why didn't my brothers give me more clothing to wear?"
"I'M FREEZING MY ASS OFF GUARDING THIS PLACE. A LITTLE GRATITUDE WOULDN'T HURT."
Into these weird alien things. Did I mention that the story goes all kinds of weird toward the end?
I'm still not clear on who you are.
this increasingly strange adventure.
OH, so THAT'S who you were.
Because that was a concern in the story, apparently.
Or Mars...Yea, let's go with Mars.
Never knew the Sun could be such a sarcastic prick.
This is Eden, by the way.
Hopefully not his real name.
Koichi Sugiyama REALLY gets around, doesn't he?
Now you know who to blame.
"Sir, we didn't even make this. We were just the publishers. Why a-" "FULL RIGHTS OR I SUE."
SNES E.V.O. SEARCH FOR EDEN START SCREEN
Surprisingly accurate. You'll see why this is surprising in good time.
Those talkative goddamn cucumbers.
Also, my first evolution of the game: goofy teeth on an uncertain face.
Because that's how evolution works.
Temporary evolutionary diversion, but there ya go. Stingrays come from crystal power.
Next up on the evolutionary scale: flesh colors.
Oh, I didn't evolve this. My fish just wants to accessorize.
And finally, a completely useless swordfish face.
FEAR ME, LAND CREATURES! I AM THE PINNACLE OF EVOLUTION.
By the way, it goes in reverse, too.
.......This is not the pinnacle of evolution.
That's something of a mistranslation (or maybe programming limitations.)
Again, generally accurate.
"This is despite living several million years before the development of language."
And it was here that I learned frogs have teeth. I am now more terrified than I have ever been.
What kind of creature is that, again? I don't think this exists anywhere in nature.
I very much hope this creature isn't breeding. I value my feet too much for that.
Let's add a horrifying rat tail to this dragon creature. Why not?
AT WHAT POINT DID DRAGONS AND GIANT COCKROACHES EVER COEXIST!?
A.) KING Bee? B.) Amphibian?
It gets more horrifying from here.
IT GETS MORE HORRIFYING FROM HERE.
"SO YEA, I RAN INTO HER JUST OUTSIDE BANANA REPUBLIC (justhopehegoesawayjusthopehegoesaway...)"
Or maybe a somewhat dopey face. Let's go with that.
In case some avian fucker decides he wants to take advantage of all this.
Turns out that longer necks ABSOLUTELY SUCK in this game, especially without good jumping.
Violating basic physics doesn't help much, either.
Did this thing literally shit out a new evolutionary trait?
It wasn't meteors or a new Ice Age that killed them; 'twas reckless abandon that killed the beast.
Like, I can shoot birds out of my dino-hands, BioShock-style? Hooray!
This is not what I had in mind.
Jurassic space dragons roam the night sky. I thought you should know that.
"We'll figure out how to survive without oxygen soon enough. That's how evolution works, right?"
And then gargoyles became a reality.
Before giving way to beaked dinosaurs. AKA birds.
With spikey backs, to boot.
How do I spend such an influx of points?
Says the T. REX, of all things.
"But I didn't even say what I've turned." "THE T-REX CLAN IS AGAINST ROTATION OF ALL KINDS."
Because nature wasn't scary enough.
And so it entered our time and wrecked its unholy vengeance. The end.
One of the game's more brutal moments.
By who? All the dead dinosaurs?
Hooray for maybe accuracy!
This tends to happen when massive environmental changes have nearly wiped out all life.
That is the extent of the test, by the way: whether or not you completed a minor side quest.
WIPE THIS THING FROM EXISTENCE.
And replace it with a Disney knock-off mascot.
Either way, I'm still a lizard for...reasons.
But then I evolved this cute face. I think it's supposed to be a cat.
Then comes the rabbit body.
And the cave full of pigs? Just run with it.
Just because Tyrasaurus can speak doesn't mean they can make sense.
Aladdin 0: We Will Milk This Franchise Dry.
It's JUST smart enough to know how morose its weapon choice is.
This is either adorable or terrifying.
And thus, the final evolution of the game: man.
Also: slightly taller man.
Remember when I said that this game was scientifically accurate? I stand by it.
My bizarre trip to Mexico.
Metal weaponry, complex stone buildings, FIRE...and yet man is still the pinnacle of evolution.
What will mankind evolve into?
"But you're already here." "A job well done!"
"So do I. I feel that we have much to bond over."
"You've been cooped up in that basement for forever. It's time to move out, find a job."
Hooray for general accuracies!
Squirrels that can leap 800 feet in the air.
This is what happens when man is exposed to water: he becomes a rubber-limbed freak.
This is supposed to be a hint for how to become human. But given the circumstances...
And you chose to live atop a giant rock far away from any known water source?
These creatures are just too pathetic for me to murder...is what I said after clearly murdering them
Apparently, Grecian columns predate Grecian civilization.
Reaction shot the never gonna use.
Reaction shot the I might use this maybe.
What is happening to this game?
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS GAME!?
What could whales and dolphins possibly use to manipulate mountainous clouds?
Apparently, the power of wanting it really bad.
"Does anybody else smell gasol-*BOOM*"
You mean Satan Claus? Fuck that symbol of all that is horrible.
"Why didn't my brothers give me more clothing to wear?"
"I'M FREEZING MY ASS OFF GUARDING THIS PLACE. A LITTLE GRATITUDE WOULDN'T HURT."
Into these weird alien things. Did I mention that the story goes all kinds of weird toward the end?
I'm still not clear on who you are.
this increasingly strange adventure.
OH, so THAT'S who you were.
Because that was a concern in the story, apparently.
Or Mars...Yea, let's go with Mars.
Never knew the Sun could be such a sarcastic prick.
This is Eden, by the way.
Hopefully not his real name.
Koichi Sugiyama REALLY gets around, doesn't he?
Now you know who to blame.
"Sir, we didn't even make this. We were just the publishers. Why a-" "FULL RIGHTS OR I SUE."
SNES E.V.O. SEARCH FOR EDEN START SCREEN
Surprisingly accurate. You'll see why this is surprising in good time.
Those talkative goddamn cucumbers.
Also, my first evolution of the game: goofy teeth on an uncertain face.
Because that's how evolution works.
Temporary evolutionary diversion, but there ya go. Stingrays come from crystal power.
Next up on the evolutionary scale: flesh colors.
Oh, I didn't evolve this. My fish just wants to accessorize.
And finally, a completely useless swordfish face.
FEAR ME, LAND CREATURES! I AM THE PINNACLE OF EVOLUTION.
By the way, it goes in reverse, too.
.......This is not the pinnacle of evolution.
That's something of a mistranslation (or maybe programming limitations.)
Again, generally accurate.
"This is despite living several million years before the development of language."
And it was here that I learned frogs have teeth. I am now more terrified than I have ever been.
What kind of creature is that, again? I don't think this exists anywhere in nature.
I very much hope this creature isn't breeding. I value my feet too much for that.
Let's add a horrifying rat tail to this dragon creature. Why not?
AT WHAT POINT DID DRAGONS AND GIANT COCKROACHES EVER COEXIST!?
A.) KING Bee? B.) Amphibian?
It gets more horrifying from here.
IT GETS MORE HORRIFYING FROM HERE.
"SO YEA, I RAN INTO HER JUST OUTSIDE BANANA REPUBLIC (justhopehegoesawayjusthopehegoesaway...)"
Or maybe a somewhat dopey face. Let's go with that.
In case some avian fucker decides he wants to take advantage of all this.
Turns out that longer necks ABSOLUTELY SUCK in this game, especially without good jumping.
Violating basic physics doesn't help much, either.
Did this thing literally shit out a new evolutionary trait?
It wasn't meteors or a new Ice Age that killed them; 'twas reckless abandon that killed the beast.
Like, I can shoot birds out of my dino-hands, BioShock-style? Hooray!
This is not what I had in mind.
Jurassic space dragons roam the night sky. I thought you should know that.
"We'll figure out how to survive without oxygen soon enough. That's how evolution works, right?"
And then gargoyles became a reality.
Before giving way to beaked dinosaurs. AKA birds.
With spikey backs, to boot.
How do I spend such an influx of points?
Says the T. REX, of all things.
"But I didn't even say what I've turned." "THE T-REX CLAN IS AGAINST ROTATION OF ALL KINDS."
Because nature wasn't scary enough.
And so it entered our time and wrecked its unholy vengeance. The end.
One of the game's more brutal moments.
By who? All the dead dinosaurs?
Hooray for maybe accuracy!
This tends to happen when massive environmental changes have nearly wiped out all life.
That is the extent of the test, by the way: whether or not you completed a minor side quest.
WIPE THIS THING FROM EXISTENCE.
And replace it with a Disney knock-off mascot.
Either way, I'm still a lizard for...reasons.
But then I evolved this cute face. I think it's supposed to be a cat.
Then comes the rabbit body.
And the cave full of pigs? Just run with it.
Just because Tyrasaurus can speak doesn't mean they can make sense.
Aladdin 0: We Will Milk This Franchise Dry.
It's JUST smart enough to know how morose its weapon choice is.
This is either adorable or terrifying.
And thus, the final evolution of the game: man.
Also: slightly taller man.
Remember when I said that this game was scientifically accurate? I stand by it.
My bizarre trip to Mexico.
Metal weaponry, complex stone buildings, FIRE...and yet man is still the pinnacle of evolution.
What will mankind evolve into?
"But you're already here." "A job well done!"
"So do I. I feel that we have much to bond over."
"You've been cooped up in that basement for forever. It's time to move out, find a job."
Hooray for general accuracies!
Squirrels that can leap 800 feet in the air.
This is what happens when man is exposed to water: he becomes a rubber-limbed freak.
This is supposed to be a hint for how to become human. But given the circumstances...
And you chose to live atop a giant rock far away from any known water source?
These creatures are just too pathetic for me to murder...is what I said after clearly murdering them
Apparently, Grecian columns predate Grecian civilization.
Reaction shot the never gonna use.
Reaction shot the I might use this maybe.
What is happening to this game?
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS GAME!?
What could whales and dolphins possibly use to manipulate mountainous clouds?
Apparently, the power of wanting it really bad.
"Does anybody else smell gasol-*BOOM*"
You mean Satan Claus? Fuck that symbol of all that is horrible.
"Why didn't my brothers give me more clothing to wear?"
"I'M FREEZING MY ASS OFF GUARDING THIS PLACE. A LITTLE GRATITUDE WOULDN'T HURT."
Into these weird alien things. Did I mention that the story goes all kinds of weird toward the end?
I'm still not clear on who you are.
this increasingly strange adventure.
OH, so THAT'S who you were.
Because that was a concern in the story, apparently.
Or Mars...Yea, let's go with Mars.
Never knew the Sun could be such a sarcastic prick.
This is Eden, by the way.
Hopefully not his real name.
Koichi Sugiyama REALLY gets around, doesn't he?
Now you know who to blame.
"Sir, we didn't even make this. We were just the publishers. Why a-" "FULL RIGHTS OR I SUE."
SNES E.V.O. SEARCH FOR EDEN START SCREEN
