Confusing in multiple languages.
KOS-MOS can only feel blind rage.
Shion's remembering something where a lot of blood was spilled. That is all.
The first portrait of the game.
The first mech of the game.
.....What? I understand without understanding.
I hope the "princess" part is a cute nickname and not an actual princess or anything.
You see this giant slab? Total rip off of a previous slab.
It's yiffing, but you're really angry when you're doing it.
Are you fucking kidding me? Nine pissing kanji in a row like that?
Good to see that spam mail has survived into the future.
I will never grow tried of crass puns.
What subtle characterization.
熊猫? That can't be serious. There's no way we're dealing with fucking space pandas.
That dead body sure is gorgeous.
Even in the future, you still have to deal with penis enlargement spam.
They're on a spaceship. I don't see how that's going to be relevant to anything.
What's that? Mini-game? As in gameplay? Finally?
11 kanji. 11 FUCKING KANJI.
0_0......................*backs away slowly*
I understand this sentence, but I don't understand it.
She's getting tired of these long ass periods of exposition, too.
Space Assassin's Creed, I guess.
If ever a game needed voice acting, this would be it.
"Obviously, the name is part of that prototyping."
Probably gonna get some use out of this.
Hooray! An English word! Probably!
Knock knock! Who's there? You're dead.
"Our cultural legacy is this rock. Are we really worth saving?"
おかしい indeed. I can't tell what language that is.
This seems familiar. Have there been any other games where ghost children say things like this?
"Is that the villain so far? Man, no wonder we haven't interacted with him yet."
Until 2006, when some Keyblade fuckers decide to disrupt your peace.
Or maybe 2000, when dream clowns were fucking up my business.
Great use of an outdated kanji, assholes.
"We have better hood ornaments! You don't need to do this!"
On second thought, she does.
This one's gonna be REAL useful.
Butt Love of Tomorrow, baby.
"I HAVE FOUND THE PROMISED LAND, AND LO, IT HAD A MINI-BAR!"
That feels weird, for some reason. Is that weird?
Yep, this is Xenosaga, alright.
I have no idea why he's putting that in quotes. It means the same thing as what came before.
OK, so maybe being repetitive is his bit.
Beach episode! Out of pretty much nowhere! As all good beach episodes are!
"You are not servicing your fans properly, Shion." "FUCK THE FANS! I've got plot to advance!"
Oh, this doesn't lead to some cool beach battle or anything. Shion's just insane.
Hooray! A side-story I actually care about!
I have no idea what poker face is doing here. Like, none at all.
"He does realize she runs on Windows 8, right? He could just buy it if he wants."
I guess the early KOS-MOS was some kind of Heartless.
Also, that kind of heartless.
Still an awesome moment, though.
And it just gets better and better.
Hooray for Space Tent. Now and forever.
I can read this, but I have absolutely no clue what it means.
Oh dear god, what is that hideous monster on the right?
English, out of FUCKING NOWHERE.
To what? Win the Lost Jerusalem Idol competition?.......I sincerely wish that's actually the case.
This is why Xenosaga I&II was never translated: this shit right here.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY FUCKING KANJI IN THIS GAME!?
And this is where I learned the Japanese word for retina. Hooray esoteric words.
Oh, no! The Gnosis is turning the world into a shittily rendered JPEG!
"Is that what I looked like as a kid? Good god, no wonder I'm the only kid at this park."
In come the Hitler youth.
We know that you're actually Shion from an alternate past or some shit.
Keep in mind that this memory happens within a memory, so Nephilim's kind of a prick.
Why has this become Alice in Wonderland?
I'm not that surprised, Shion. More confused, honestly.
Hooray for implying that the villain is a mentally stunted man-child.
Keep in mind that things were serene not two seconds ago. Like, "Majora's Mask moon" serene.
Oh, right. Remember when you got to play as this awesome character?
I would've captured a non-faded version if I was good at this. But I'm not.
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE CHRISTIAN IMAGERY!?
Hooray! Another side-story for the only character I really give two shits about!
"Not that I can tell, given my lack of glasses."
The first word in this sentence is "orthodontic glasses". Those are a thing, somehow.
Just use the damn English. You never had this problem before.
THAT IS NOT HOW ACRONYMS WORK, NOR IS THAT HOW JAPANESE WORKS. YOU HAVE FAILED TWICE OVER.
Looks more like a lazily grabbed screenshot from the actual game.
Well, I had to look up the fucking term, so probably not.
Again, the anime levels have reached fuck.
I have absolutely no clue what this is supposed to be.
Oh, you KNOW I'll find a way to connect this to Katawa Shoujo.
"Don't tell anybody, but I think you might be in severe pain. At least that's what I've heard."
And so return the....whatever the fuck these are.
What a way to get a new ability. "Oh, yea, KOS-MOS can use the X BUSTER now or whatever."
In case you ever want to recreate Snow White and the Seven Hours of Fucking Text.
Jesus: just the kind of guy you'd want to have a beer with.
What a confusing translation.
WHAT A CONFUSING TRANSLATION.
There we go. Back to JRPG normality.
WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THIS FEATURE SOONER!?
WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THIS FEATURE SOONER!?
I don't think I meant to capture Albedo so relaxed, but...there it is.
That's the Albedo I know.
And there's....wait, why does this game have giant mechs? Are they ever relevant to anything at all?
"It's not a sex crime if it's a robot, right?" - Some idiot who wrote this.
I have absolutely no idea what that says.
I guess flashbacks really knock the resolution down, don't they?
"OH GOD! That did NOT go how I wanted it to!"
"Whatevs. It's not like that was my only head."
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT GUY SITTING ON!?
"Remember when I was still relevant to the plot?"
Something totally fucking awesome; that's what!
Something totally fucking awesome; that's what!
Remember when this was a huge PS2 game? Because I don't!
There's bad touch, and then there's this.
Yea, THAT makes things better.
So our villain is fighting for a colorblind world? Is that it? *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*
*even longer siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*
Oh, no. Unrelated plot points? Space adventures? Mothers and hospitals? It's Laika all over again!
You know: sci-fi space adventure.
I think something happens to Albedo's shadow here, but I can't tell what.
Not that that stops him from being a creepy asshole to poor Momo.
OUT OF GODDAMN NOWHERE. I'm still not even sure who this guy is.
I guess this is our connection to Xenoblade. (Specifically, the end part.)
Because it's not anime until you have symbolically naked women.
I know this isn't the case, but I like to think is name is now Lbedo. No reason.
"Why are you two glowing like that?" "Hell if I know."
Again, OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE.
This, though? This, I dig.
If this is a plot twist, I don't think it makes a lot of sense.
No idea why his battle sprite is this different from his cutscene sprite, but I'll go with it.
Yea, that sounds pretty Xenosaga-ish.
Remember when this game had giant robots in it? Because I don't.
Not that you're supposed to know what that means.
NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR BUTT LOVE!
Oh. SHE'S Butt Love. Seems an odd time to remember this insignificant plot point.
"Wait! Butt Love!" - The actual translation.
SHOUT IT FROM THE MOUNTAINTOPS!
Do not question mech wrestling, Albedo. Do not question something so sublime.
I guess? Isn't she supposed to be in the E.S. or whatever?
This is the final boss (sort of)? Weak.
Why spell area like that when you have several words that mean pretty much the same thing?
I don't know why, but there's something about this look that I just don't like.
"Sup. You just watched your friend nearly die. I want to know how you're handling that."
I don't think future robot ladies operate on the same rules as Beetlejuice.
Or maybe they do. Who can say?
I wonder what THIS could mean.
Meanwhile, I-Can't-Even-Remember-His-Name is wondering why his hand is so fucking huge.
There's always time for Butt Love.
No real clue why THIS gets special art work.
Because if there's one thing Moby Dick was known for, it was coffee.
Oh, right. Mechs were the big thing about Xenosaga, weren't they?
Great. Make your speech impossible to parse, why don't you?
"Fucking get it together, already."
"I mean, it's only a close friend dying in your arms. Happens all the time."
Not much to say other than this is a good screenshot.
I guess there are different connotations? I guess?
"Found a pretty stone." - The actual, I am not making this up translation.
I agree. What words COULD describe something this awesome?
OK, so the writers ARE racist. Good to know.
I'm gonna have a LOT of fun with this one.
Your new pose confuses me, Albedo, but I can't say why.
Hell if I know. Carrying books in the least practical way?
Jeff Ross, what are YOU doing here?
Yea, that one-color garden really is 素敵.
She says on the screenshot with several (dim) stars in it.
Adventure Time joke or vowel joke? Adventure Time joke or vowel joke?
It took me a second to recognize that Jiggy wasn't saying this line.
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmm..................uuuuuuuhhhhhh..........
I guess this is her heart. (This isn't how it appears in-game. It flashes like crazy.)
Wait, we're going the mystical magic route? Since when?
Remember when Albedo wasn't completely insane? Me neither.
Gotta get that concept art in there, SOMEHOW.
See the last screenshot. (If you can tell what "last" even means. Damn galleries.)
"How are you even here? You didn't exist when this happened."
Nothing suspicious about THAT, right?
"I have GOT to clean my nails."
How old is he supposed to be, again? He could be anywhere between five and twelve.
("Tastes like strawberries.")
No idea what THAT is supposed to symbolize.
They should be helping him, but they can only watch. THE BEAUTY OF SCREENSHOTS!
I like how neither of their responses is to stop him or anything.
I don't think he can hear you.
Kind of a lame superpower, when you put it like that.
"Oh, no! Virus monsters! We must protect them from them, or else.....I don't know."
Hooray for unique event sprites!
Not that this combination of people gets a unique attack or anything.
Red Rover, Red Rover, send Sakura right over.
WE ARE ALSO GOING TO FUCK YOU UP.
I think that's a physical virus speaking, because of course that could happen.
The moment when his character plummeted into nothingness.
This isn't a boss battle or anything; the memory just starts to break down.
The power to erode any sense of complexity.
"Eh, I don't really care." "Really? You seemed pretty att-" "Let's just get this over with."
Fortunately, no reverse blinking or whatever here.
I am so very confused right now.
You've GOT to work on your Japanese, man.
I guess this is the connection between Momo and Jr.'s memories?
"He said WHAT about my Homestuck fan fiction!?"
That's enough to give a man highlights. Somehow.
You might want to rethink your symbolism, folks.
"英語が分かれませんよ。" "Well, shit."
Yea, THAT lines up just well.
Apparently, this redesign was controversial. I guess.
There's gotta be a full portrait of this SOMEWHERE.
No, this is.....a cafeteria? A shopping center? I can't fucking tell.
This man NEVER FUCKING BLINKS.
Is this a rejected Koudelka boss?
Oh, it's DEFINITELY robot porn.
("You have such pretty eyes.")
Is this a Jesus reference? Fucking fuck fuck fuck.
"I flashed back to THIS!?"
She's so happy to be here. I guess that's to be expected for somebody as generic as her.
I have no idea what he's so mopey over.
One of these words is not like the other, one of these words is never used ever.
"How long's it been, Shion?.....No, seriously. How long has it been since I was last relevant?"
Great. Planet Laika all over again.
"We're both tired as all hell."
Why would you ever assume otherwise? I'm pretty sure Momo wasn't alive when Sakura was.
Oh, Allen. Will you EVER catch a break?
Apparently, Xenosaga has devolved into an episode of fucking SpongeBob.
I know what this means, but I don't know what it means.
THAT IS NOT HOW FURIGANA WORK.
Hooray for the palette-swapped....whatever the hell these things are.
"I haven't slept in twelve. Days."
This is some Laika shit right here.
*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*
Hooray for poorly integrated full motion video, too! Hoorays all around!
This would be a helluva lot cooler if it happened far earlier in the story.
How the bloody hell should I know?
I have trouble believing that this is an actual word that people use.
If you're looking for context: there isn't any.
Like Napple Tale, but with creepier little children.
"I WIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL EXTEEEEEEEEEEEEEND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL MY VOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS!"
Oh shit. They both wore the same dress to the party. How embarrassing.
"Why did you create something like me?"
"I'm taking this blood-red background oddly well."
I don't think they've ever met. Like, even remotely.
".............Is he still there?..........Hello?"
"What you're doing is absolutely adorable."
"Asura? A destructive deity? How droll."
Oooh. Teeny weeny Assassin's Cweedy.
Which of them looks dumber? YOU decide!
THAT CHANGE MEANS NOTHING!
Nothing to say here. Just a pretty good screenshot.
THERE IS ONLY ONE エゴ ROUND THESE PARTS!
I think that's as much as we're getting.
At what? That scarily drawn smile?
Yes, Baby Shion. That is a word.
I guess one of those zombie robot ghost children grew into this person who is dead maybe?
And then another crappy movie part.
Not the time for celebrity impressions, Momo.
Unfortunately, we haul ass out of here before the inevitably awesome boss fight can ensue.
No more to it. Just an oddly named attack.
I thought it was a location (or the word "militia"). Turns out it's a Super Friends plot point.
Oh, fuck. Not another sub-story. Shion's are the only ones I even remotely care about.
NOW IS NO TIME FOR TACOS.
NOR IS IT A TIME FOR CROONING.
You wouldn't believe it if I told you.
Yes, this sword talks. Why? Shut up. That's why.
"Slash this thing." "OK." "You get a cool sword." - Pretty much exactly what happens.
Nothing to say other than "kind of cool art, I guess".
How did Jr. get a hold of my drug stash!?
They could've just used じいさん or something, but the writers love to frustrate.
The return of the dead characters with kind-of-minor importance to the plot.
And living characters completely disconnected from the plot.
How the bloody hell should I know?
I'm still not sure what you're saying.
This probably would've been a decent twist if I knew who that was.
"Really? The waxed chest look? When are you going to join the 21st century?"
Deadly virus, purple fart cloud, same thing, right?
"Still no idea why my robot hand is so monstrously huge."
Again, this is just a good screenshot.
I'm with KOS-MOS. I've checked out some time ago.
Really? That's it? No "gonna fuck some shit up" part of this prophecy?
"There's no resisting ALL THIS, Jr.! *mad fucking cackling*"
WHAT DOES THAT FUCKING SAY!?
"You're not getting away from this, either, Chaos! *more mad fucking cackling*"
I know you're approximately the same age, but could you choose a less....pedophile-y pose?
"We're the same size now! And that makes me mad!"
I think this is supposed to be touching? But his face completely ruins it.
Whoever said video game characters never poop was full of it. (It being poop.)
It makes perfect sense until you look up.
No, seriously, why is there an angel here? That robot never once had angel wings.
Dress your best for a confusing death.
Oh, right. Remember HER? Remember how relevant SHE'S been throughout the game?
"Your smile is still fucking terrifying."
"Same with you, puppet child."
"Put a goddamn shirt on, already."
Always a time for Butt Love.
I have absolutely no clue who this person is.
And then Jr. gets a weird looking puppy. The end.
Albino, Albedo......nope. No possible connection THERE.
"I will fucking murder you in your sleep." - Purple-haired woman in the back.
It only gets worse when you turn off the lights.
Just doing it for the artwork.
"So.....whatcha doing this Friday? Got any plans?"
I'm still not entirely sure what role he's played in the story.
Or him, for that matter. Something about Jesus. That's all I've got.
Oh, right. All the voice acting this game clearly had.
That's still a REALLY dumb name.
Studio Live: our art is so bad we need to hire other people to clean it up for us!
A musical computer program designing graphics. That explains so much about this game.
The weather must be a fucking mess.
"Why did I ever agree to this?"
"Ready for one last cliffhanger?" "You bet your ass I am."
On a completely different system, several years ago.
Confusing in multiple languages.
KOS-MOS can only feel blind rage.
Shion's remembering something where a lot of blood was spilled. That is all.
The first portrait of the game.
The first mech of the game.
.....What? I understand without understanding.
I hope the "princess" part is a cute nickname and not an actual princess or anything.
You see this giant slab? Total rip off of a previous slab.
It's yiffing, but you're really angry when you're doing it.
Are you fucking kidding me? Nine pissing kanji in a row like that?
Good to see that spam mail has survived into the future.
I will never grow tried of crass puns.
What subtle characterization.
熊猫? That can't be serious. There's no way we're dealing with fucking space pandas.
That dead body sure is gorgeous.
Even in the future, you still have to deal with penis enlargement spam.
They're on a spaceship. I don't see how that's going to be relevant to anything.
What's that? Mini-game? As in gameplay? Finally?
11 kanji. 11 FUCKING KANJI.
0_0......................*backs away slowly*
I understand this sentence, but I don't understand it.
She's getting tired of these long ass periods of exposition, too.
Space Assassin's Creed, I guess.
If ever a game needed voice acting, this would be it.
"Obviously, the name is part of that prototyping."
Probably gonna get some use out of this.
Hooray! An English word! Probably!
Knock knock! Who's there? You're dead.
"Our cultural legacy is this rock. Are we really worth saving?"
おかしい indeed. I can't tell what language that is.
This seems familiar. Have there been any other games where ghost children say things like this?
"Is that the villain so far? Man, no wonder we haven't interacted with him yet."
Until 2006, when some Keyblade fuckers decide to disrupt your peace.
Or maybe 2000, when dream clowns were fucking up my business.
Great use of an outdated kanji, assholes.
"We have better hood ornaments! You don't need to do this!"
On second thought, she does.
This one's gonna be REAL useful.
Butt Love of Tomorrow, baby.
"I HAVE FOUND THE PROMISED LAND, AND LO, IT HAD A MINI-BAR!"
That feels weird, for some reason. Is that weird?
Yep, this is Xenosaga, alright.
I have no idea why he's putting that in quotes. It means the same thing as what came before.
OK, so maybe being repetitive is his bit.
Beach episode! Out of pretty much nowhere! As all good beach episodes are!
"You are not servicing your fans properly, Shion." "FUCK THE FANS! I've got plot to advance!"
Oh, this doesn't lead to some cool beach battle or anything. Shion's just insane.
Hooray! A side-story I actually care about!
I have no idea what poker face is doing here. Like, none at all.
"He does realize she runs on Windows 8, right? He could just buy it if he wants."
I guess the early KOS-MOS was some kind of Heartless.
Also, that kind of heartless.
Still an awesome moment, though.
And it just gets better and better.
Hooray for Space Tent. Now and forever.
I can read this, but I have absolutely no clue what it means.
Oh dear god, what is that hideous monster on the right?
English, out of FUCKING NOWHERE.
To what? Win the Lost Jerusalem Idol competition?.......I sincerely wish that's actually the case.
This is why Xenosaga I&II was never translated: this shit right here.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY FUCKING KANJI IN THIS GAME!?
And this is where I learned the Japanese word for retina. Hooray esoteric words.
Oh, no! The Gnosis is turning the world into a shittily rendered JPEG!
"Is that what I looked like as a kid? Good god, no wonder I'm the only kid at this park."
In come the Hitler youth.
We know that you're actually Shion from an alternate past or some shit.
Keep in mind that this memory happens within a memory, so Nephilim's kind of a prick.
Why has this become Alice in Wonderland?
I'm not that surprised, Shion. More confused, honestly.
Hooray for implying that the villain is a mentally stunted man-child.
Keep in mind that things were serene not two seconds ago. Like, "Majora's Mask moon" serene.
Oh, right. Remember when you got to play as this awesome character?
I would've captured a non-faded version if I was good at this. But I'm not.
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE CHRISTIAN IMAGERY!?
Hooray! Another side-story for the only character I really give two shits about!
"Not that I can tell, given my lack of glasses."
The first word in this sentence is "orthodontic glasses". Those are a thing, somehow.
Just use the damn English. You never had this problem before.
THAT IS NOT HOW ACRONYMS WORK, NOR IS THAT HOW JAPANESE WORKS. YOU HAVE FAILED TWICE OVER.
Looks more like a lazily grabbed screenshot from the actual game.
Well, I had to look up the fucking term, so probably not.
Again, the anime levels have reached fuck.
I have absolutely no clue what this is supposed to be.
Oh, you KNOW I'll find a way to connect this to Katawa Shoujo.
"Don't tell anybody, but I think you might be in severe pain. At least that's what I've heard."
And so return the....whatever the fuck these are.
What a way to get a new ability. "Oh, yea, KOS-MOS can use the X BUSTER now or whatever."
In case you ever want to recreate Snow White and the Seven Hours of Fucking Text.
Jesus: just the kind of guy you'd want to have a beer with.
What a confusing translation.
WHAT A CONFUSING TRANSLATION.
There we go. Back to JRPG normality.
WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THIS FEATURE SOONER!?
WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THIS FEATURE SOONER!?
I don't think I meant to capture Albedo so relaxed, but...there it is.
That's the Albedo I know.
And there's....wait, why does this game have giant mechs? Are they ever relevant to anything at all?
"It's not a sex crime if it's a robot, right?" - Some idiot who wrote this.
I have absolutely no idea what that says.
I guess flashbacks really knock the resolution down, don't they?
"OH GOD! That did NOT go how I wanted it to!"
"Whatevs. It's not like that was my only head."
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT GUY SITTING ON!?
"Remember when I was still relevant to the plot?"
Something totally fucking awesome; that's what!
Something totally fucking awesome; that's what!
Remember when this was a huge PS2 game? Because I don't!
There's bad touch, and then there's this.
Yea, THAT makes things better.
So our villain is fighting for a colorblind world? Is that it? *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*
*even longer siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*
Oh, no. Unrelated plot points? Space adventures? Mothers and hospitals? It's Laika all over again!
You know: sci-fi space adventure.
I think something happens to Albedo's shadow here, but I can't tell what.
Not that that stops him from being a creepy asshole to poor Momo.
OUT OF GODDAMN NOWHERE. I'm still not even sure who this guy is.
I guess this is our connection to Xenoblade. (Specifically, the end part.)
Because it's not anime until you have symbolically naked women.
I know this isn't the case, but I like to think is name is now Lbedo. No reason.
"Why are you two glowing like that?" "Hell if I know."
Again, OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE.
This, though? This, I dig.
If this is a plot twist, I don't think it makes a lot of sense.
No idea why his battle sprite is this different from his cutscene sprite, but I'll go with it.
Yea, that sounds pretty Xenosaga-ish.
Remember when this game had giant robots in it? Because I don't.
Not that you're supposed to know what that means.
NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR BUTT LOVE!
Oh. SHE'S Butt Love. Seems an odd time to remember this insignificant plot point.
"Wait! Butt Love!" - The actual translation.
SHOUT IT FROM THE MOUNTAINTOPS!
Do not question mech wrestling, Albedo. Do not question something so sublime.
I guess? Isn't she supposed to be in the E.S. or whatever?
This is the final boss (sort of)? Weak.
Why spell area like that when you have several words that mean pretty much the same thing?
I don't know why, but there's something about this look that I just don't like.
"Sup. You just watched your friend nearly die. I want to know how you're handling that."
I don't think future robot ladies operate on the same rules as Beetlejuice.
Or maybe they do. Who can say?
I wonder what THIS could mean.
Meanwhile, I-Can't-Even-Remember-His-Name is wondering why his hand is so fucking huge.
There's always time for Butt Love.
No real clue why THIS gets special art work.
Because if there's one thing Moby Dick was known for, it was coffee.
Oh, right. Mechs were the big thing about Xenosaga, weren't they?
Great. Make your speech impossible to parse, why don't you?
"Fucking get it together, already."
"I mean, it's only a close friend dying in your arms. Happens all the time."
Not much to say other than this is a good screenshot.
I guess there are different connotations? I guess?
"Found a pretty stone." - The actual, I am not making this up translation.
I agree. What words COULD describe something this awesome?
OK, so the writers ARE racist. Good to know.
I'm gonna have a LOT of fun with this one.
Your new pose confuses me, Albedo, but I can't say why.
Hell if I know. Carrying books in the least practical way?
Jeff Ross, what are YOU doing here?
Yea, that one-color garden really is 素敵.
She says on the screenshot with several (dim) stars in it.
Adventure Time joke or vowel joke? Adventure Time joke or vowel joke?
It took me a second to recognize that Jiggy wasn't saying this line.
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmm..................uuuuuuuhhhhhh..........
I guess this is her heart. (This isn't how it appears in-game. It flashes like crazy.)
Wait, we're going the mystical magic route? Since when?
Remember when Albedo wasn't completely insane? Me neither.
Gotta get that concept art in there, SOMEHOW.
See the last screenshot. (If you can tell what "last" even means. Damn galleries.)
"How are you even here? You didn't exist when this happened."
Nothing suspicious about THAT, right?
"I have GOT to clean my nails."
How old is he supposed to be, again? He could be anywhere between five and twelve.
("Tastes like strawberries.")
No idea what THAT is supposed to symbolize.
They should be helping him, but they can only watch. THE BEAUTY OF SCREENSHOTS!
I like how neither of their responses is to stop him or anything.
I don't think he can hear you.
Kind of a lame superpower, when you put it like that.
"Oh, no! Virus monsters! We must protect them from them, or else.....I don't know."
Hooray for unique event sprites!
Not that this combination of people gets a unique attack or anything.
Red Rover, Red Rover, send Sakura right over.
WE ARE ALSO GOING TO FUCK YOU UP.
I think that's a physical virus speaking, because of course that could happen.
The moment when his character plummeted into nothingness.
This isn't a boss battle or anything; the memory just starts to break down.
The power to erode any sense of complexity.
"Eh, I don't really care." "Really? You seemed pretty att-" "Let's just get this over with."
Fortunately, no reverse blinking or whatever here.
I am so very confused right now.
You've GOT to work on your Japanese, man.
I guess this is the connection between Momo and Jr.'s memories?
"He said WHAT about my Homestuck fan fiction!?"
That's enough to give a man highlights. Somehow.
You might want to rethink your symbolism, folks.
"英語が分かれませんよ。" "Well, shit."
Yea, THAT lines up just well.
Apparently, this redesign was controversial. I guess.
There's gotta be a full portrait of this SOMEWHERE.
No, this is.....a cafeteria? A shopping center? I can't fucking tell.
This man NEVER FUCKING BLINKS.
Is this a rejected Koudelka boss?
Oh, it's DEFINITELY robot porn.
("You have such pretty eyes.")
Is this a Jesus reference? Fucking fuck fuck fuck.
"I flashed back to THIS!?"
She's so happy to be here. I guess that's to be expected for somebody as generic as her.
I have no idea what he's so mopey over.
One of these words is not like the other, one of these words is never used ever.
"How long's it been, Shion?.....No, seriously. How long has it been since I was last relevant?"
Great. Planet Laika all over again.
"We're both tired as all hell."
Why would you ever assume otherwise? I'm pretty sure Momo wasn't alive when Sakura was.
Oh, Allen. Will you EVER catch a break?
Apparently, Xenosaga has devolved into an episode of fucking SpongeBob.
I know what this means, but I don't know what it means.
THAT IS NOT HOW FURIGANA WORK.
Hooray for the palette-swapped....whatever the hell these things are.
"I haven't slept in twelve. Days."
This is some Laika shit right here.
*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*
Hooray for poorly integrated full motion video, too! Hoorays all around!
This would be a helluva lot cooler if it happened far earlier in the story.
How the bloody hell should I know?
I have trouble believing that this is an actual word that people use.
If you're looking for context: there isn't any.
Like Napple Tale, but with creepier little children.
"I WIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL EXTEEEEEEEEEEEEEND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL MY VOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS!"
Oh shit. They both wore the same dress to the party. How embarrassing.
"Why did you create something like me?"
"I'm taking this blood-red background oddly well."
I don't think they've ever met. Like, even remotely.
".............Is he still there?..........Hello?"
"What you're doing is absolutely adorable."
"Asura? A destructive deity? How droll."
Oooh. Teeny weeny Assassin's Cweedy.
Which of them looks dumber? YOU decide!
THAT CHANGE MEANS NOTHING!
Nothing to say here. Just a pretty good screenshot.
THERE IS ONLY ONE エゴ ROUND THESE PARTS!
I think that's as much as we're getting.
At what? That scarily drawn smile?
Yes, Baby Shion. That is a word.
I guess one of those zombie robot ghost children grew into this person who is dead maybe?
And then another crappy movie part.
Not the time for celebrity impressions, Momo.
Unfortunately, we haul ass out of here before the inevitably awesome boss fight can ensue.
No more to it. Just an oddly named attack.
I thought it was a location (or the word "militia"). Turns out it's a Super Friends plot point.
Oh, fuck. Not another sub-story. Shion's are the only ones I even remotely care about.
NOW IS NO TIME FOR TACOS.
NOR IS IT A TIME FOR CROONING.
You wouldn't believe it if I told you.
Yes, this sword talks. Why? Shut up. That's why.
"Slash this thing." "OK." "You get a cool sword." - Pretty much exactly what happens.
Nothing to say other than "kind of cool art, I guess".
How did Jr. get a hold of my drug stash!?
They could've just used じいさん or something, but the writers love to frustrate.
The return of the dead characters with kind-of-minor importance to the plot.
And living characters completely disconnected from the plot.
How the bloody hell should I know?
I'm still not sure what you're saying.
This probably would've been a decent twist if I knew who that was.
"Really? The waxed chest look? When are you going to join the 21st century?"
Deadly virus, purple fart cloud, same thing, right?
"Still no idea why my robot hand is so monstrously huge."
Again, this is just a good screenshot.
I'm with KOS-MOS. I've checked out some time ago.
Really? That's it? No "gonna fuck some shit up" part of this prophecy?
"There's no resisting ALL THIS, Jr.! *mad fucking cackling*"
WHAT DOES THAT FUCKING SAY!?
"You're not getting away from this, either, Chaos! *more mad fucking cackling*"
I know you're approximately the same age, but could you choose a less....pedophile-y pose?
"We're the same size now! And that makes me mad!"
I think this is supposed to be touching? But his face completely ruins it.
Whoever said video game characters never poop was full of it. (It being poop.)
It makes perfect sense until you look up.
No, seriously, why is there an angel here? That robot never once had angel wings.
Dress your best for a confusing death.
Oh, right. Remember HER? Remember how relevant SHE'S been throughout the game?
"Your smile is still fucking terrifying."
"Same with you, puppet child."
"Put a goddamn shirt on, already."
Always a time for Butt Love.
I have absolutely no clue who this person is.
And then Jr. gets a weird looking puppy. The end.
Albino, Albedo......nope. No possible connection THERE.
"I will fucking murder you in your sleep." - Purple-haired woman in the back.
It only gets worse when you turn off the lights.
Just doing it for the artwork.
"So.....whatcha doing this Friday? Got any plans?"
I'm still not entirely sure what role he's played in the story.
Or him, for that matter. Something about Jesus. That's all I've got.
Oh, right. All the voice acting this game clearly had.
That's still a REALLY dumb name.
Studio Live: our art is so bad we need to hire other people to clean it up for us!
A musical computer program designing graphics. That explains so much about this game.
The weather must be a fucking mess.
"Why did I ever agree to this?"
"Ready for one last cliffhanger?" "You bet your ass I am."
On a completely different system, several years ago.
Confusing in multiple languages.
KOS-MOS can only feel blind rage.
Shion's remembering something where a lot of blood was spilled. That is all.
The first portrait of the game.
The first mech of the game.
.....What? I understand without understanding.
I hope the "princess" part is a cute nickname and not an actual princess or anything.
You see this giant slab? Total rip off of a previous slab.
It's yiffing, but you're really angry when you're doing it.
Are you fucking kidding me? Nine pissing kanji in a row like that?
Good to see that spam mail has survived into the future.
I will never grow tried of crass puns.
What subtle characterization.
熊猫? That can't be serious. There's no way we're dealing with fucking space pandas.
That dead body sure is gorgeous.
Even in the future, you still have to deal with penis enlargement spam.
They're on a spaceship. I don't see how that's going to be relevant to anything.
What's that? Mini-game? As in gameplay? Finally?
11 kanji. 11 FUCKING KANJI.
0_0......................*backs away slowly*
I understand this sentence, but I don't understand it.
She's getting tired of these long ass periods of exposition, too.
Space Assassin's Creed, I guess.
If ever a game needed voice acting, this would be it.
"Obviously, the name is part of that prototyping."
Probably gonna get some use out of this.
Hooray! An English word! Probably!
Knock knock! Who's there? You're dead.
"Our cultural legacy is this rock. Are we really worth saving?"
おかしい indeed. I can't tell what language that is.
This seems familiar. Have there been any other games where ghost children say things like this?
"Is that the villain so far? Man, no wonder we haven't interacted with him yet."
Until 2006, when some Keyblade fuckers decide to disrupt your peace.
Or maybe 2000, when dream clowns were fucking up my business.
Great use of an outdated kanji, assholes.
"We have better hood ornaments! You don't need to do this!"
On second thought, she does.
This one's gonna be REAL useful.
Butt Love of Tomorrow, baby.
"I HAVE FOUND THE PROMISED LAND, AND LO, IT HAD A MINI-BAR!"
That feels weird, for some reason. Is that weird?
Yep, this is Xenosaga, alright.
I have no idea why he's putting that in quotes. It means the same thing as what came before.
OK, so maybe being repetitive is his bit.
Beach episode! Out of pretty much nowhere! As all good beach episodes are!
"You are not servicing your fans properly, Shion." "FUCK THE FANS! I've got plot to advance!"
Oh, this doesn't lead to some cool beach battle or anything. Shion's just insane.
Hooray! A side-story I actually care about!
I have no idea what poker face is doing here. Like, none at all.
"He does realize she runs on Windows 8, right? He could just buy it if he wants."
I guess the early KOS-MOS was some kind of Heartless.
Also, that kind of heartless.
Still an awesome moment, though.
And it just gets better and better.
Hooray for Space Tent. Now and forever.
I can read this, but I have absolutely no clue what it means.
Oh dear god, what is that hideous monster on the right?
English, out of FUCKING NOWHERE.
To what? Win the Lost Jerusalem Idol competition?.......I sincerely wish that's actually the case.
This is why Xenosaga I&II was never translated: this shit right here.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY FUCKING KANJI IN THIS GAME!?
And this is where I learned the Japanese word for retina. Hooray esoteric words.
Oh, no! The Gnosis is turning the world into a shittily rendered JPEG!
"Is that what I looked like as a kid? Good god, no wonder I'm the only kid at this park."
In come the Hitler youth.
We know that you're actually Shion from an alternate past or some shit.
Keep in mind that this memory happens within a memory, so Nephilim's kind of a prick.
Why has this become Alice in Wonderland?
I'm not that surprised, Shion. More confused, honestly.
Hooray for implying that the villain is a mentally stunted man-child.
Keep in mind that things were serene not two seconds ago. Like, "Majora's Mask moon" serene.
Oh, right. Remember when you got to play as this awesome character?
I would've captured a non-faded version if I was good at this. But I'm not.
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE CHRISTIAN IMAGERY!?
Hooray! Another side-story for the only character I really give two shits about!
"Not that I can tell, given my lack of glasses."
The first word in this sentence is "orthodontic glasses". Those are a thing, somehow.
Just use the damn English. You never had this problem before.
THAT IS NOT HOW ACRONYMS WORK, NOR IS THAT HOW JAPANESE WORKS. YOU HAVE FAILED TWICE OVER.
Looks more like a lazily grabbed screenshot from the actual game.
Well, I had to look up the fucking term, so probably not.
Again, the anime levels have reached fuck.
I have absolutely no clue what this is supposed to be.
Oh, you KNOW I'll find a way to connect this to Katawa Shoujo.
"Don't tell anybody, but I think you might be in severe pain. At least that's what I've heard."
And so return the....whatever the fuck these are.
What a way to get a new ability. "Oh, yea, KOS-MOS can use the X BUSTER now or whatever."
In case you ever want to recreate Snow White and the Seven Hours of Fucking Text.
Jesus: just the kind of guy you'd want to have a beer with.
What a confusing translation.
WHAT A CONFUSING TRANSLATION.
There we go. Back to JRPG normality.
WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THIS FEATURE SOONER!?
WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THIS FEATURE SOONER!?
I don't think I meant to capture Albedo so relaxed, but...there it is.
That's the Albedo I know.
And there's....wait, why does this game have giant mechs? Are they ever relevant to anything at all?
"It's not a sex crime if it's a robot, right?" - Some idiot who wrote this.
I have absolutely no idea what that says.
I guess flashbacks really knock the resolution down, don't they?
"OH GOD! That did NOT go how I wanted it to!"
"Whatevs. It's not like that was my only head."
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT GUY SITTING ON!?
"Remember when I was still relevant to the plot?"
Something totally fucking awesome; that's what!
Something totally fucking awesome; that's what!
Remember when this was a huge PS2 game? Because I don't!
There's bad touch, and then there's this.
Yea, THAT makes things better.
So our villain is fighting for a colorblind world? Is that it? *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*
*even longer siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*
Oh, no. Unrelated plot points? Space adventures? Mothers and hospitals? It's Laika all over again!
You know: sci-fi space adventure.
I think something happens to Albedo's shadow here, but I can't tell what.
Not that that stops him from being a creepy asshole to poor Momo.
OUT OF GODDAMN NOWHERE. I'm still not even sure who this guy is.
I guess this is our connection to Xenoblade. (Specifically, the end part.)
Because it's not anime until you have symbolically naked women.
I know this isn't the case, but I like to think is name is now Lbedo. No reason.
"Why are you two glowing like that?" "Hell if I know."
Again, OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE.
This, though? This, I dig.
If this is a plot twist, I don't think it makes a lot of sense.
No idea why his battle sprite is this different from his cutscene sprite, but I'll go with it.
Yea, that sounds pretty Xenosaga-ish.
Remember when this game had giant robots in it? Because I don't.
Not that you're supposed to know what that means.
NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR BUTT LOVE!
Oh. SHE'S Butt Love. Seems an odd time to remember this insignificant plot point.
"Wait! Butt Love!" - The actual translation.
SHOUT IT FROM THE MOUNTAINTOPS!
Do not question mech wrestling, Albedo. Do not question something so sublime.
I guess? Isn't she supposed to be in the E.S. or whatever?
This is the final boss (sort of)? Weak.
Why spell area like that when you have several words that mean pretty much the same thing?
I don't know why, but there's something about this look that I just don't like.
"Sup. You just watched your friend nearly die. I want to know how you're handling that."
I don't think future robot ladies operate on the same rules as Beetlejuice.
Or maybe they do. Who can say?
I wonder what THIS could mean.
Meanwhile, I-Can't-Even-Remember-His-Name is wondering why his hand is so fucking huge.
There's always time for Butt Love.
No real clue why THIS gets special art work.
Because if there's one thing Moby Dick was known for, it was coffee.
Oh, right. Mechs were the big thing about Xenosaga, weren't they?
Great. Make your speech impossible to parse, why don't you?
"Fucking get it together, already."
"I mean, it's only a close friend dying in your arms. Happens all the time."
Not much to say other than this is a good screenshot.
I guess there are different connotations? I guess?
"Found a pretty stone." - The actual, I am not making this up translation.
I agree. What words COULD describe something this awesome?
OK, so the writers ARE racist. Good to know.
I'm gonna have a LOT of fun with this one.
Your new pose confuses me, Albedo, but I can't say why.
Hell if I know. Carrying books in the least practical way?
Jeff Ross, what are YOU doing here?
Yea, that one-color garden really is 素敵.
She says on the screenshot with several (dim) stars in it.
Adventure Time joke or vowel joke? Adventure Time joke or vowel joke?
It took me a second to recognize that Jiggy wasn't saying this line.
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmm..................uuuuuuuhhhhhh..........
I guess this is her heart. (This isn't how it appears in-game. It flashes like crazy.)
Wait, we're going the mystical magic route? Since when?
Remember when Albedo wasn't completely insane? Me neither.
Gotta get that concept art in there, SOMEHOW.
See the last screenshot. (If you can tell what "last" even means. Damn galleries.)
"How are you even here? You didn't exist when this happened."
Nothing suspicious about THAT, right?
"I have GOT to clean my nails."
How old is he supposed to be, again? He could be anywhere between five and twelve.
("Tastes like strawberries.")
No idea what THAT is supposed to symbolize.
They should be helping him, but they can only watch. THE BEAUTY OF SCREENSHOTS!
I like how neither of their responses is to stop him or anything.
I don't think he can hear you.
Kind of a lame superpower, when you put it like that.
"Oh, no! Virus monsters! We must protect them from them, or else.....I don't know."
Hooray for unique event sprites!
Not that this combination of people gets a unique attack or anything.
Red Rover, Red Rover, send Sakura right over.
WE ARE ALSO GOING TO FUCK YOU UP.
I think that's a physical virus speaking, because of course that could happen.
The moment when his character plummeted into nothingness.
This isn't a boss battle or anything; the memory just starts to break down.
The power to erode any sense of complexity.
"Eh, I don't really care." "Really? You seemed pretty att-" "Let's just get this over with."
Fortunately, no reverse blinking or whatever here.
I am so very confused right now.
You've GOT to work on your Japanese, man.
I guess this is the connection between Momo and Jr.'s memories?
"He said WHAT about my Homestuck fan fiction!?"
That's enough to give a man highlights. Somehow.
You might want to rethink your symbolism, folks.
"英語が分かれませんよ。" "Well, shit."
Yea, THAT lines up just well.
Apparently, this redesign was controversial. I guess.
There's gotta be a full portrait of this SOMEWHERE.
No, this is.....a cafeteria? A shopping center? I can't fucking tell.
This man NEVER FUCKING BLINKS.
Is this a rejected Koudelka boss?
Oh, it's DEFINITELY robot porn.
("You have such pretty eyes.")
Is this a Jesus reference? Fucking fuck fuck fuck.
"I flashed back to THIS!?"
She's so happy to be here. I guess that's to be expected for somebody as generic as her.
I have no idea what he's so mopey over.
One of these words is not like the other, one of these words is never used ever.
"How long's it been, Shion?.....No, seriously. How long has it been since I was last relevant?"
Great. Planet Laika all over again.
"We're both tired as all hell."
Why would you ever assume otherwise? I'm pretty sure Momo wasn't alive when Sakura was.
Oh, Allen. Will you EVER catch a break?
Apparently, Xenosaga has devolved into an episode of fucking SpongeBob.
I know what this means, but I don't know what it means.
THAT IS NOT HOW FURIGANA WORK.
Hooray for the palette-swapped....whatever the hell these things are.
"I haven't slept in twelve. Days."
This is some Laika shit right here.
*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*
Hooray for poorly integrated full motion video, too! Hoorays all around!
This would be a helluva lot cooler if it happened far earlier in the story.
How the bloody hell should I know?
I have trouble believing that this is an actual word that people use.
If you're looking for context: there isn't any.
Like Napple Tale, but with creepier little children.
"I WIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL EXTEEEEEEEEEEEEEND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL MY VOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS!"
Oh shit. They both wore the same dress to the party. How embarrassing.
"Why did you create something like me?"
"I'm taking this blood-red background oddly well."
I don't think they've ever met. Like, even remotely.
".............Is he still there?..........Hello?"
"What you're doing is absolutely adorable."
"Asura? A destructive deity? How droll."
Oooh. Teeny weeny Assassin's Cweedy.
Which of them looks dumber? YOU decide!
THAT CHANGE MEANS NOTHING!
Nothing to say here. Just a pretty good screenshot.
THERE IS ONLY ONE エゴ ROUND THESE PARTS!
I think that's as much as we're getting.
At what? That scarily drawn smile?
Yes, Baby Shion. That is a word.
I guess one of those zombie robot ghost children grew into this person who is dead maybe?
And then another crappy movie part.
Not the time for celebrity impressions, Momo.
Unfortunately, we haul ass out of here before the inevitably awesome boss fight can ensue.
No more to it. Just an oddly named attack.
I thought it was a location (or the word "militia"). Turns out it's a Super Friends plot point.
Oh, fuck. Not another sub-story. Shion's are the only ones I even remotely care about.
NOW IS NO TIME FOR TACOS.
NOR IS IT A TIME FOR CROONING.
You wouldn't believe it if I told you.
Yes, this sword talks. Why? Shut up. That's why.
"Slash this thing." "OK." "You get a cool sword." - Pretty much exactly what happens.
Nothing to say other than "kind of cool art, I guess".
How did Jr. get a hold of my drug stash!?
They could've just used じいさん or something, but the writers love to frustrate.
The return of the dead characters with kind-of-minor importance to the plot.
And living characters completely disconnected from the plot.
How the bloody hell should I know?
I'm still not sure what you're saying.
This probably would've been a decent twist if I knew who that was.
"Really? The waxed chest look? When are you going to join the 21st century?"
Deadly virus, purple fart cloud, same thing, right?
"Still no idea why my robot hand is so monstrously huge."
Again, this is just a good screenshot.
I'm with KOS-MOS. I've checked out some time ago.
Really? That's it? No "gonna fuck some shit up" part of this prophecy?
"There's no resisting ALL THIS, Jr.! *mad fucking cackling*"
WHAT DOES THAT FUCKING SAY!?
"You're not getting away from this, either, Chaos! *more mad fucking cackling*"
I know you're approximately the same age, but could you choose a less....pedophile-y pose?
"We're the same size now! And that makes me mad!"
I think this is supposed to be touching? But his face completely ruins it.
Whoever said video game characters never poop was full of it. (It being poop.)
It makes perfect sense until you look up.
No, seriously, why is there an angel here? That robot never once had angel wings.
Dress your best for a confusing death.
Oh, right. Remember HER? Remember how relevant SHE'S been throughout the game?
"Your smile is still fucking terrifying."
"Same with you, puppet child."
"Put a goddamn shirt on, already."
Always a time for Butt Love.
I have absolutely no clue who this person is.
And then Jr. gets a weird looking puppy. The end.
Albino, Albedo......nope. No possible connection THERE.
"I will fucking murder you in your sleep." - Purple-haired woman in the back.
It only gets worse when you turn off the lights.
Just doing it for the artwork.
"So.....whatcha doing this Friday? Got any plans?"
I'm still not entirely sure what role he's played in the story.
Or him, for that matter. Something about Jesus. That's all I've got.
Oh, right. All the voice acting this game clearly had.
That's still a REALLY dumb name.
Studio Live: our art is so bad we need to hire other people to clean it up for us!
A musical computer program designing graphics. That explains so much about this game.
The weather must be a fucking mess.
"Why did I ever agree to this?"
"Ready for one last cliffhanger?" "You bet your ass I am."
On a completely different system, several years ago.
